Screwed.edu
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
