so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
