You can't special order awesome
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
