Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
