Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
