She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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