We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
