I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
