Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
