What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
