I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize