We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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