I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
