Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
