the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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