woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I could make wine with my vomit
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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