The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
