i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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