yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
