NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and she was petting her beer can
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
