His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
