just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
