I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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