i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize