Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
