Duck Duck Cougar?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
