Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's never too late to be topless.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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