I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
