I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am one with the molecules
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
