he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
