youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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