I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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