The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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