pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
