Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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