apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
