I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
