Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This house was built for laser tag.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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