I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
