I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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