Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
