Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
