EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
