I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
