she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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