Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
