If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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