We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
