she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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