Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
