I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
