Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
