took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
