I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
