Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
