I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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