It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
