I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
