Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
