I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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