After last night, I could never be a politician.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
