Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
