Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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