Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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