2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I pour the whiskey from now on
false alarm, still single
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
