"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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