I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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