We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
