moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
