you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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